Meta-Feedback

I'm lookin' at the monkey in the mirror.

My boss has been on a feedback-seeking, awesomeness rampage.  In the last two weeks, I estimate that he has come to me, or other members of our little group, and asked a ton of questions of the "how am I doing" or the "what could we do better" variety.

Perhaps he's stumbled on to this blog, but I can't be tickled given that I've been a bit obsessed lately with the idea of seeking out feedback (see here and here).

In fact, tickled doesn't even really do my reaction justice.  A better word might be "grateful".  Another one might be "flattered", of the "it's nice to know he really gives a shit"-variety.  I mean, I already knew my boss cared, but it was still nice to get some hard behavioral data as evidence of his interest in the opinions of the group.

This series of interactions made me realize something: asking other people how they feel about our performance earns respect.  It indicates empathy, it indicates a desire to improve which, in turn, bodes well for future performance, it indicates a respect for the opinions of others.  All really, really good cognitive qualities.

So, what did I do in the face of all this ass-kicking, feedback seeking behavior on the part of my boss?  I went all Meta up in here and gave the guy some meta-feedback.  Specifically, I said something like: "You want some feedback?  How about this: I think it's awesome how much you've been seeking out feedback from us.  It makes us feel valued and it makes me confident the group is moving in the right direction."  We then high-fived.  I'm joking about the high-five.

Lesson for today? My vote is that if someone has the guts to come to us and ask for feedback, we should show how awesome that is by giving some meta-feedback in return.  It's sure to keep the feedback seeking behavior going strong.

Friendly Feedback

Hmm, perhaps I should have dubbed this week the Week of Getting Feedback instead of the Week of Feedback.  I mean, all the Daily Mind Games this week have been dedicated to getting more information for, and about, ourselves.  Maybe my homunculus has a selfish streak or something, but I just love getting feedback, since it's all about me, me, me.  However, giving feedback is a critical skill too, and one I desperately need to improve.

Feedback Friend

You know what stinks?  Getting feedback.  You know what stinks more?  Working hard to get feedback.  While we know that feedback is good for our development and performance, it still stings to hear about how we could do better.  So, why make it worse by having to struggle to get valuable criticism?  Instead, let's use the buddy-system!

Physical Feedback

If you've been channeling an ostrich as your spirit animal, it's time for an upgrade.  How are we going to be more awesome if we just stick our head in the sand and pretend we're perfect?  I've got a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite, you won't.   That's why we've dedicated this whole week at The Happy Homunculus to getting ourselves some feedback.  However, while previous Daily Mind Games focused on verbal communication, today we're going all non-verbal on this feedback thing.  Say wha?

Tell Me About Myself

I just realized that seeking feedback is a very selfish thing.  As I've discussed before, the act of talking can be thought of as an act of charity: you are giving away your hard-earned experience for use by others.  In contrast, the act of listening is an exercise in selfishness: you are more likely to gain new information and expertise.  After simple listening, asking questions is even more selfish!  By asking questions, you can steer a conversation in a direction that is interesting or useful to you.  Today, we're going to take selfishness to a whole new level.

Question and Question

This week at The Happy Homunculus, it's all about feedback for us and our homunculi, and if we're ever going to get and use quality feedback to be awesome, then we need to work on a few mental-ninja-skillz.  Yesterday, we practiced not speaking and used our aural acumen as a first step to learning something new.  Today, we're going to take things a step further and prompt for more information: forget Q&A, today is all about Q&Q.

Off the Brakes

Let it out.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Week of Calm is coming to an end.  Hopefully y'all had fun playing with your emotional awareness and control.  I know I did, but my homunculus?  Not so much.  Like the rambunctious monkey he is, he's all tuckered out from being forced to sit quietly and patiently while I take care of business.  However, a tame homunculus is not always a good thing.  Sometimes you have the let the monkey out of the cage.

Emotional control comes in two flavors.  On the one hand, we don't want uncontrolled outbursts to undermine important relationships.  On the other, exposing emotions to others is an important form of communication.  In many cases, showing some emotion is the only way to communicate the importance of something.

In any case, the name of the game is to modulate the intensity of our emotions.  Really intense emotional outbursts are rarely an effective way to communicate.  Instead, talking calmly about emotions with some small outward signs is the best way to go.  That's today's DMG:

Off the Brakes

Task: Communicate your emotions to someone else.

Info: It's ok to get emotional.  It's ok to let others see our emotions.  We don't need to feel like we can't have emotions; that's impossible.  But, we will be better off if we don't go ballistic.  Today, when you have some emotion and when you think communicating that emotion is important, let off the brakes and talk about your emotions.  The goal is to do it in a calm, measured way so you don't freak out the other party.

Goal: Remain calm while talking about your emotions.